Did I Read That Right? – Part 2

Once again, I am saved by a “friend of a friend” with a whole new set of weird newspaper headlines:

MESSIAH CLIMAXES IN CHORUS OF HALLELUJAHS

- The Anchorage, Alaska Times

THANKS TO PRESIDENT CLINTON, STAFF SGT. FRUER NOW HAS A SON

- The Arkansas Plainsman

CLINTON PLACES DICKEY IN GORE’S HANDS

- The Bangor, Maine News

STARR AGHAST AT FIRST LADY SEX POSITION

- The Washington Times

TEXTRON INC. MAKES OFFER TO SCREW COMPANY STOCKHOLDERS

-  The Miami Herald

MARRIED PRIESTS IN CATHOLIC CHURCH A LONG TIME COMING

- The New Haven, Connecticut Register

GOVERNOR CHILES OFFERS RARE OPPORTUNITY TO GOOSE HUNTERS

- The Tallahassee, Florida Democrat

EGG ROLL INCLUDES GAY PARENTS

- The Eugene, Oregon Register-Guard

(In that case, we’ll have the won-ton soup…)

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There are more but without attribution:

GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT MAKES HOLE IN ONE

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TWO CONVICTS EVADE NOOSE, JURY HUNG

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SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED

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QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED

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IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?

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DR. RUTH TALKS ABOUT SEX WITH NEWSPAPER EDITORS

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DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON

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NEVER WITHHOLD HERPES FROM YOUR LOVED ONE

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3-YEAR OLD TEACHER NEEDED FOR PRE-SCHOOL – EXPERIENCE PREFERRED

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DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

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OLD SCHOOL PILLARS ARE REPLACED BY ALUMNI

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Did I read that right?

 

17 responses to “Did I Read That Right? – Part 2

  1. My favourite was the drunk who got nine years in the violin case. I guess you’d have to say he was in a tight spot.

  2. I can’t decide what job would be more fun–creating sneaky headlines or naming streets. One day, I’ll have a house on Walk This Way.

  3. Okay, no getting around it. No matter how mature or sophisticated one is, the following is funny: “IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?”

  4. Some of these would be downright horrifying if they weren’t so funny. It always makes me wonder whether editors and proofreaders either have no sense of humour at all so they can’t identify the double entendre… or a truly twisted sense of humour that sniggers and chortles and bellows, “Publish!”…

  5. Another excellent collection.

    BTW, in my weekly Satire Bits, your suggestion in now the standard! http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2014/04/29/on-satire-bits-vol-92/

  6. Those misplaced modifiers our fourth grade teacher warned us about…

  7. By the time I got to the end, I was laughing so hard I could hardly read.

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