Junk Mail Confusion

There is no way to stop the onslaught of spam, telemarketers, junk mail, and robocallers from reaching us.

Telemarketers already have their own ring in hell but even the thought of eternal damnation does not daunt them. Their reach extends to any newly created electronic device – Smartphones, Kindles, iPads, iPods, whatever.

Yes, I used “whatever,” get over it.  Yes, I used “get over it,” get over that, too.

Although the overwhelming task of stopping all this crap is futile, it is made slightly less annoying by the fact that these devious callers get in the way of each other.

junkmail1

As a result my junk mail gets confused and:

  • E-Harmony and the local auto repair shop want you to have dating calls during routine auto checkups.
  • Christian Mingle and Omega-K Heart Attack Fighter suggest that, before people give you CPR , ask if they are true believers.
  • First Premier Credit Card and Our Time Dating recommend a credit score appraisal before the second date.
  • Discount Gold Credit Cards and Pimslear Approach Language say “Koborowie karmiono obficie wystepuja jedynie podejrzana sprawa stala nie odnotowywano wiekszego komplementu z wytworzeniem.”
  • If you are over 65, no matter where you are, Gaylord Hotels and AARP want you safely in bed by 8:30 pm.
  • PayPal and Replacements Ltd will give you a ten percent discount on any organ purchased before July 31st.
  • Timeshare Facts, Check Your Credit and Tax Defense suggest that the best way to check your credit and lower your taxes is to do both while spending a week at one of their many, many once-in-a-lifetime timeshare vacations (50% off).  If that doesn’t work, then spend more time at one of their many, many once-in-a-lifetime timeshare vacations (50% off).
  • Regal Ecigs and Reverse Mortgage Planner have devised a program that assures you that your reverse mortgage payments will last longer than you do.
  • Garcinia Cambogia Slim and AHS Warranty have teamed up to guarantee your weight loss.  If your weight-loss comes back, simply send back the weight gain in a marked package to receive double your money back!
  • American Laser Skincare, Spray Your Way to Health and 1Ink have developed a new way to get that healthy tan using your laser jet printer.  Send in now for your thirty-day sample of Ink-Skin® cartridges.
  • LifeLine Screening, Reclaim Your Glory, Male Vitality, Cable TV and Blood Pressure Solutions have gotten together in one enormous wad of promotion that extends your life and love life while lowering your blood pressure and cable TV bills.
  • Restore My Vision, Lasik Vision Institute and Evite recommend an eye exam before you accept that next invitation, otherwise you may get…
  • Brazilian Shemales and Latin Ladyboys.
  •     Well, you are on your own with this one. Use your imagination.

4 responses to “Junk Mail Confusion

  1. For some reason, my blog spammers have decided that I really, really need shemales of various nationalities. I’m not sure why, and I’m afraid to ask. Though the reason might make an entertaining blog post…

  2. Cleverly Recycled Art

    Which is exactly why you should NEVER fill out a mail forwarding request with the post office when you move!!!

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