The true test of an English major is knowing the difference between a “girl’s used bicycle” and a “used girl’s bicycle.”
Although I am not at death’s door, there are those moments when I can see the door from here. To prepare for the Day of Atonement, I have a few requests for my all my loved ones (family and friends).
First, don’t say “He passed.” I died. Saying “He passed” sounds like I had a bad urinary experience or an unhappy encounter with cannibals.
“Two cannibalistic ship captains passed each other in the night.”
Second, don’t say “He is in a better place.” Repeated requests to all Abrahamic religions – Judaism, Christianity, and Islam – have produced diddly squat so there is no corroboration for this assertion. You can say that I am in good company.
“You go to Heaven for the scenery and hell for the company.” –Mark Twain
I may have better luck with Buddhists because a Zen Buddhist pizza guy once said he would make me one with everything.
Third, please do not have responses say anything about resting in peace. I have no such intention. For eternity, I plan to pester, bother, aggravate and, in general, annoy anyone who ever incurred my wrath.
“Agitate, agitate, agitate.” –Frederick Douglass
If you wish to delay the inevitable arrival of death’s door at the end, you can listen to the interminable The End by The Doors:
Looking for a brief explanation of the autumnal equinox on Saturday, September 22nd?
For an instant, the plane of the equinoctial colure will be perpendicular to the earth’s orbital radius vector.
Simple as that!
Pontius Pilate, 21st century version:
“What is truth?” said jesting Donaldus Pilate.
“’Truth isn’t truth’1 because ‘over time, truth develops’2 and results in ‘alternative facts.’3”