For this election, I’ve got a little list.

With apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan.  To the tune of I’ve Got a Little List from The Mikado.  Chorus is in Bold Italics.


Martyn Green as Ko-Ko, 1930s

As someday it may happen that a victim must be found, I’ve got a little list — I’ve got a little list.

Of society offenders who might well be underground, and who never would be missed — who never would be missed!

The lady whose email servers have problems of their own

Thirty-three thousand disappear like a stone.

There’s the party outsider who praises in raucous tones

Every party but his and every country but his own.

And the election outcome denialists,

They’d none of ’em be missed — they’d none of ’em be missed!


He’s got ’em on the list — he’s got ’em on the list;

And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed.


Apologists, deniers, spin room activists,

Irrational supporters who get me really pissed.

All TV journalists who speaks as though listeners care

And the other ones who claim to be balanced and fair.

The dead who vote Democrat but that theory is not sound,

For you see, Mayor Giuliani, they are already underground.

WikiLeaks, tax returns, foundation donations and grants

And all those fanatics who substitute enthusiasm for facts.

And that singular anomaly, the lady plagiarist — I don’t think she’d be missed — I’m sure she’d not he missed!


He’s got her on the list — he’s got her on the list;

And I don’t think she’ll be missed — I’m sure she’ll not be missed!


There’s the pestilential congressmen who give democracy a pass.

The judicial obstructionists who are running out of gas.

And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,

Who defend outrageous statements by saying – “Oh, never mind.”

Third party candidates without a world view

The little, lyin’, disgusting, crooked, low-energy crew

Bad hombres, nasty women and also you-know-who

The task of filling up the blanks I’d rather leave to you.

But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list,

For they’d none of ’em be missed — they’d none of ’em be missed!


You may put ’em on the list — you may put ’em on the list;

And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed!

So Donald Trump Walks into a Bar…


(With a nod to idiotprufs and List of X).


So Donald Trump walks into a bar…

  1. and denies he ever walked into a bar.
  2. orders a drink from the bartender and tells her she would not look like a pig if she lost 20 pounds.
  3. says he knows how to drink and drinks only the best drinks.
  4. doesn’t want to be braggadocious but he likes his drinks bigly.
  5. demands that everyone except the white guys be stopped and frisked.
  6. blames Hillary Clinton for the spilled liquor and the crushed peanut shells on the floor.
  7. says that his entrance into the bar was the best entrance ever. Ever, ever, ever.
  8. requests that all Mexicans leave the bar and then re-enter it legally.
  9. runs up a tab and says that he will pay it once the audit of the tab is complete.
  10. not sure that he will pay the tab anyway because he didn’t get the service he expected.


Citizenship Test

Citizenship Test



With a national election upcoming in the United States, I have been wondering how much the average American knows about the rights of U.S. citizenship. Naturalized citizens are required to pass a citizenship test (see link ) but those of us born as American citizens have no such requirement.  I think it is time that ALL Americans, if they want to be called Americans, stand up and take a test to prove that they are indeed true-blue one hundred percent U.S. citizens.

Ergo (meaning more pompous than therefore), I offer the Curmudgeon-at-Large True-Blue United States Citizenship Test.


  1. What are the last words of the national anthem?
  • a) Of Thee I Sing
  • b) God Save the Queen
  • c) And the Home of the Brave
  • d) Play Ball

2.What is the first question asked by a defense attorney to his client?

  • a) Are you guilty?
  • b) Are you innocent?
  • c) How much money have you got?
  • d) Want some crack?

3. What is the proper drink for the Fourth of July?

  • a) Pabst Blue Ribbon
  • b) Bourbon
  • c) Cosmopolitan
  • d) All of the above

4. Where was President Barak Obama born?

  • a) Illinois
  • b) Hawaii
  • c) Kansas
  • d) Kenya

5. Where was Donald Trump born?

  • a) New York
  • b) Florida
  • c) In a galaxy far, far away
  • d) He wasn’t born; he was hatched.

6. Which person below is NOT true-blue one hundred percent American?

a)     Citizenship2.jpg                      b) citizenship3

c)       citizenship4             d)  citizenship5

7. What do you do when go into a voting booth?

  • a) Vote for the candidates of your choice
  • b) Vote for the candidates you were paid to vote for
  • c) Look for hidden cameras
  • d) Relieve yourself

8. In the event no candidate for President of the United States receives the required number of electoral votes, who chooses the next president?

  • a) Congress
  • b) World Wrestling Federation
  • c) Some unknown guy hidden in Cheyenne Mountain, Wyoming
  • d) Highest bidder

9. What are the three branches of government?

  • a) Olive, birch and palm
  • b) Huey, Dewey and Louie
  • c) Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous
  • d) It doesn’t matter, they’re all crooks.

10. Match the statement to the president.

a) I am not a crook. George H.W. Bush
b) I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Richard Nixon
c) Read my lips. Lyndon Johnson
d) Gerald Ford can’t piss and chew gum at the same time. Bill Clinton

11. What are the first words a foreign-speaking naturalized citizen should understand when entering the United States?

  • a) Welcome to America.
  • b) Stay in your lane.
  • c) You have the right to remain silent.
  • d) Attention, Kmart shoppers!

12. How often does the United States Constitution get changed?

  • a) Every four years
  • b)Every two years and four months
  • c) Whenever an amendment is ratified by three-fourths of the states
  • d) When it gets dirty


To get your results, please place your answers, a self-addressed stamped envelope and $500 in cash (preferably small bills) in a sealed envelope and mail it to:

  • True-Blue United States Citizenship Test
  • 123 Main St.
  • East Jesus, TX 88808

You will receive the answers that you deserve.

Your welcome, America!

More Per Capita

While I am off thinking of more items to grouse and complain about, I realized that you should have something other than The Donald’s statue to contemplate.

Those of you in Canada or Mexico can choose a state comparable to your province.

MorePer Capita

A Statue for The Donald

According to CNN, “Donald Trump may have just clinched the delegates necessary for the GOP nomination, but he already has his sights on a larger prize — immortality in the nation’s capital.  Trump — who made his wealth in part from the branding of his name — said he wouldn’t mind seeing his surname on a statue in Washington, D.C., one day.”

With this thought in mind, your obliging curmudgeon has prepared a statue befitting The Donald complete with a motto:


The Donald Trump: Yet Another Horse’s Ass in Washington.