Samantha awoke with a start. Her head was pounding and the scene around her was unfamiliar and unlike any she had ever encountered in her life. Somehow she had been transported to an exotic and remote place. She was immersed in a rainforest of towering palms, immense bamboo, green walls, and a plant canopy of kaleidoscopic and variegated color. Her eyes were nearly blinded by a dazzling display of white orchids. Close by, she heard the splashes of a waterfall and the exotic sounds of macaws, parrots, cuckoos, herons and frigatebirds. Voluptuous primal groves of striking trees exploded through verdant glades and cultured valleys of bizarre vegetation. By what means and through what method had she been taken from her drab life as a housewife in King-of-Prussia, Pennsylvania to this far off place? And would she ever get back? Did she want to get back?
Still half dazed, she noticed that her dress was in disarray and one of her matching, open-toed platform pumps – from Payless Shoes on sale for only $19.95! – was missing. The dress was Polyester/spandex sleeveless empire, flaunting a vibrant print (not unlike the vibrant forest she was in) with a V-neckline and crisscrossing straps at the back. In a state of untidiness, the dress now rode well above her knees and revealed her taut and still shapely thighs. The stretched fabric pulled across her flat stomach. Despite giving birth to three wonderful children – two boys and a girl – she still maintained a schoolgirl figure thanks to those many hours on the ThighMaster.
She had purchased the dress only last week when she and a few friends planned a simple day trip. Terrible misgivings filled her mind. Had she been abducted to this exotic locale only to be violated in her new outfit? Slowly regaining her senses, she heard voices in the distance. Trapped in this tropical paradise/jail, were her abductors returning to exploit her again? The voices now seemed closer than before and she thought that she could hear one of the violators speak her name. She had to defend herself and find a way to escape! Despite her panic, she located her other shoe almost hidden in the mossy undergrowth of the forest. Quickly, she put it on her foot and attempted to rise when a hand grabbed her roughly and a voice above her said: “Sam, that’s your last piña colada. We have been searching for you for hours. You can’t just fall asleep in the main flower display.”
With a sudden shot of reality, she realized the simple day trip was to the Philadelphia Flower Show and that, in a stupor after too many drinks, she had collapsed in the middle of the Hawaiian rainforest central display. She had to stop drinking before 10 am.