From time to time, I receive jokes from a friend of a friend of a friend.  These two are worth repeating.  If anyone knows the origin, I will happily give an attribution.

Inner Peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.  By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.  Dr Phil proclaimed, “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.”

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake (about half), some Doritos, the rest of a box of chocolates, and a half bottle of fine scotch.

You have no idea how good I feel right now.
You too can find inner peace.

The Lie Detector Robot

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.  He decides to test it at dinner.

“Son, where were you today?”

The son says “at school dad.”

Robot slaps the son!

“Ok, I watched a DVD at my friend’s house!” the son says.

“What DVD?” asks the father.

“Toy Story.”

Robot slaps the son again!

“Ok, it was a porno” cries the son.

“What!?  When I was your age I didn’t know what porn was” says the dad.

Robot slaps the dad!

Mom laughs “HaHaHa! He’s certainly your son.”

Robot slaps the mom!

Awkward silence…….