[With thanks and apologies to Carrie Rubin. Carrie, please don’t wish a plague on me. Read more here about Carrie Rubin’s new novel The Seneca Scourge.]
Chicken feed. People always laughed when Ben Johnson told them he worked for chicken feed. That’s what he did: deliver chicken, hog and cattle feed to farmers and ranchers on over a thousand miles of land in the Plains States, mainly the Dakotas. Yeah, it brought a smile to their faces when he told them but, right now, Ben’s face wore a grimace of pain. He was focused on getting back to Minot, his home, as quickly as his truck and this damned case of the trots would let him. What the hell had he eaten to give him something this god-awful? He squirmed uneasily in his seat as his belly and guts rebelled for the umpteenth time. He could not get to Minot’s Walter E. Feckle Emergency Clinic soon enough.
The Walter E. Feckle Emergency Clinic sat unobtrusively in a one story building off Second Avenue in downtown Minot, next to the “Why Not Minot?” billboard erected by some civic-minded citizens a few years back. Walter E. Feckle, a successful plains farmer had, many years ago, used his fortune to create the small clinic that bore his name and had funded positions for its small staff of doctors, including one for blood relatives, like his great-grand daughter, Dr. Beverly Baudot.
Beverly Baudot was the spitting image of Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde, except not as smart. The good graces of family connections had gotten her a position at the clinic after a number of less than stellar performances at more recognized centers elsewhere. Beverly tried to make up in enthusiasm what she lacked in professional knowledge. Fortunately the clinic was also staffed by other physicians whose skill and professionalism attempted to cover any discrepancies caused by Beverly’s presence. The head of staff was the handsome but aloof Dr. Brad Zilfer, a Christian Slater look-alike, who Beverly admired and lusted after.
It was the handsome Dr. Zilfer who walked in on Beverly and her patient, Ben Johnson, as Beverly, wanting to impress Dr. Zilfer, explained the results of her tests. Ben Johnson wore an expression of both concern and pain on his face as his listened to Beverly’s prognosis.
“Yes, it says here on page 178 that all such occurrences should be treated with some antibiotics as well as …”
Dr. Zilfer interrupted with incredulity: “Page 178 of WHAT?! Are you using a novel to treat this patient?!”
Beverly, startled, responded: “Why, yes, they come in quite handy and this one, The Seneca Scourge by Carrie Rubin, is very well researched and written.”
Dr. Zilfer’s eyes grew large like a two ripe melons. “You realize that it is a book of fiction and, however well written, cannot be used to diagnose a patient.”
Beverly retorted “But its medical topics, especially with regards to pathogens, are as good a job of medical research as you can find. Besides, it’s so much more interesting than a boring medical journal.”
“Dr. Baudot,” Brad became formal in his indignation, “we are physicians, not fiction readers. We can’t have our patients believing that we get all our information from dime store novels.”
“But I told you, it’s NOT a dime store novel. It’s a well-written and well-structured book that explains exactly how a pandemic occurs.”
“Pandemic!” Dr. Zilfer nearly jumped out of his uniform, “We are dealing with a bad case of diarrhea, not a pandemic! Do you realize what alarms you could raise if you start spreading the word that we have a pandemic on our hands? We had enough trouble last month when you misdiagnosed that case of measles and we had half the town thinking that we had a breakout of cholera.”
Beverly sighed. This was probably not the best moment to tell Dr. Zilfer about her reliance on Diseases for Dummies. She could have prevented her mistake if only The Seneca Scourge had been in print a month earlier. She hoped Carrie Rubin would be starting her next book soon.
Read more here about Carrie Rubin’s new novel The Seneca Scourge.]
Great take on Carrie’s book! Which is seriously good. And I love Walter E Feckle.
Thanks for visiting and glad you liked Carrie’s book and Mr. Feckle.
Thanks, Beautiful Rose!
Way to plug Carrie!
I like any plugs but hair plugs.
“Why Not Minot” is sheer brilliance. The folks in ND should be clamoring for you to do their PR. Meanwhile I’m so glad that at least Beverly knew enough to pick up The Seneca Scourge when it came out. Diseases for Dummies is notoriously unreliable, and there aren’t enough pictures.
I cannot take credit for “Why Not Minot.” I heard it from friends who hail from one of the plains states.
It’s true–Why Not Minot? is a common saying in North Dakota. Winters can be quite dull there; we need something to entertain us.
Brilliant! I’m so glad Carrie linked to you. I’ll be replacing my well worn “Diseases for Dummies” with Carrie’s printed book ASAP.
Next goal is for me to find my own doctor that looks like early Christian Slater and get on his waiting list.
Enjoyed the post!
Glad you enjoyed the post. My doctor looks like Angelina Jolie.
Wow. Christian Slater and Angelina Jolie? I want to know where your doctors went to med school. Apparently that’s where they train the pretty people.
HAHAHAHAHA . . . Diseases for Dummies.
You may laugh but I use it all the time.
I suppose Carrie wrote that book too…
I didn’t write it, but I wish I had. Barnes & Noble might actually house that one…
Ha! Love it! And I loved Carrie’s book, too. 🙂
Glad you liked both.
He’s a pretty great for a curmudgeon, isn’t he, Diane?
Curmudgeons are my favourite people!
Oh bah! Humbug!
What a clever gal that Beverly is…to use fiction instead of a medical journal. She might be quicker to diagnose the true problem than most doctors, who say, “Well, let’s try this. Come back in a week and we’ll see how that did.” Carrie’s book would help cut through that guess work…and stop all pandemics in their wake.
“stop all pandemics in their wake.”—That’s only because my book kills them all off…
Very clever! Carrie’s first novel, and the fan fiction has begun!
Fan fiction is correct. Thank you.
The sad thing is, I didn’t even know what fan fiction was until a short time ago. There’s that laggard thing again…
Haha, best fan fiction I’ve ever read! Beats 50 Shades of Grey for sure. Carrie must be beaming with pride.
Carrie should beam with pride for her book. She has graciously not sent me a plague or curse.
Better stay on her good side! I bet she could be quite dangerous if she wanted to.
Yes, that’s why I ask for forgiveness.
Not only am I beaming with pride that Curmudgeon created this piece, but I’m beaming with pride because he managed to work poo into the thing. Tears in my eyes, I tell you…
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I’m reading Seneca Scourge now – well not right this minute obviously and this is the best damn spanking review I’ve read so far. Like Beverly I hope Carrie starts her next novel soon
Yes, I agree (about Carrie starting her next book, not necessarily about my “review.”)
I am indeed outlining a new one. There will be a killer. Maybe I should give him diarrhea…
Hooray for a new book, not for diarrhea.
This was fantastic! I’m honored to have my book be fodder for your clever stories. And the irony is, I was actually born in Minot, North Dakota–I kid you not. But you’ll be relieved to know I’m a much better clinician than Beverly. After all, I get all my information and research from Robin Cook novels…
Thanks so much for this fun parody. It was a very nice treat after my 11-hour drive today. I’ll link to it in my post tomorrow. 🙂
Thanks for your generous comments (honored, clever, etc.). I chose Minot, ND quite by accident – solely for the “Why Not Minot” slogan. I hope your 11 hour drive occurred without affliction.
..and speaking of Robin Cook, i just watched “Coma” on Netflix.
The new ‘Coma’ or the older version? I’ve seen both. And I’ve read the book, so I guess I’m now a coma expert.
The new one that was made as a TV mini-series in 2012 with Geena Davis, James Woods and Richard Dreyfuss.
It was pretty good. Some creepy scenes.
I love the name Walter E. Feckel.
One of my favorites.