Imponderables

To lighten your mind (translation: waste your time) after a seemingly endless election campaign season in the US, ponder on these imponderables:

  • If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
  • If a person who plays the piano is called a pianist why is a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
  • Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
  • Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
  • Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
  • “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.  Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
  • If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
  • What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
  • Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so that mail carriers can look for them while they deliver the mail?
  • You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  • No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.
  • Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
  • If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
  • Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?
  • If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
  • Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
  • Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on “Start?”
  • If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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36 responses to “Imponderables

  1. I was ‘way too serious this morning – thanks for tuning up my laugh reflex!

    And I guess bikers could be derided and writers could receive dispensations…

  2. Excellent work!
    Technically, I could classify myself as a deranged cowboy.
    I may have to use that somewhere.

  3. Wow, has it been a long time since I last heard a hostess ask, “Smoking or non?”

  4. Thanks for the chuckles and groans.

  5. Eggcellent, eggcellent!
    An answer to your war imponderable: ‘War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.’ (I found this on the internet).

  6. Lol, perfectly timed dear Curmudgeon!
    Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

  7. You are one clever fella, Mr. Curmudgeon. And a funny one.

  8. Haha! You make some very good points. I’m gonna start calling people from Holland, Holes, and see how it goes.

  9. Well, at least now I know I’ll have plenty to ponder when I wake up in the middle of the night. Of course, I’ll spend the most time thinking through the diarrhea one.

    Clever post!

  10. I am going to teach my daughter to call 11 onety-one. So much more logical.

  11. Just shared this one with everyone I know and a few I don’t know. I needed a really good belly laugh and some silly tears running down my face… Well done, well done!!

  12. I believe when fat people go skinny dipping it’s called “chunky dunking”.

  13. oh jeez. thanks for sharing- it made my night a bit lighter 🙂

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