Romancing the [Search Term]

This chapter of Fallen Arches is based upon an idea from Rutabaga, the Mercenary Researcher, who wrote a post about search terms.  It is astonishing when reviewing your site stats to see the words and phrases used as search terms.

Using only search terms from your own blog, fill in the blanks in the story below.  You must use only the unaltered search terms.

I will supply the first set of fill-ins.


Our scene is set in London in the times of Victorian England.  A licentious and bawdy earl returns to his home for an afternoon of entertainment with his lovely maid.

Lord Farthblank, Eighth Earl of Disturbia, strode boldly into his bed chambers where he found his young and alluring maid anxiously waiting his return.  “Quickly, Maria, disrobe.  I have been told of an entirely new sexual technique called__A__ and my loins ache to try it out forthwith.”

“My lord” said the maid breathlessly “what does it involve?”

“Well,” said the earl slyly “I won’t divulge all the particulars but I will tell you that it calls for riding whips, two bananas, several garters and a __B__.”

As the young maid obediently began to disrobe, she turned back towards the earl as he finished removing his trousers.  The maid began to giggle uncontrollably.

“Whatever is the matter with you?” cried the earl.

“Oh” said the maid, “it is your member.  It is shaped just like a __C__.”

The earl, blushing, said defiantly “It most certainly is not.  If you must be so impertinent, young Maria, your breasts look like two __D__.”

“Oh, sire” exclaimed the maid.  “I am most distressed and can only say to you __E__.”


A.            Frankenstein rising

B.            human trebuchet

C.            clownfish

D.            organs that have folds

E.            was man who was hit by ice cream truck while dancing in the street hurt


Now it is your turn.


38 thoughts on “Romancing the [Search Term]

  1. Pingback: Search Term Mad Lib « Fish Of Gold

  2. Oh, Curmudgeon, you’ve done it again! I was giggling hysterically in the office reading your ‘romance’. Here are my terms:

    A. Flags of the world
    B. Scottish werewolf
    C. Smiley face reading
    D. Haruki murakami books
    E. One chance happy end

    I hope the earl and the maid find their own “happy end”.

  3. I’ll give it a shot.

    A. semen meringue
    B. cum injection needle
    C. male nut cursher
    D. what does slapcabbage mean
    E. youknowofanymaledoctorswholovesgivinghandjobs

  4. Fabulous! I’m still laughing too hard to type…

    Okay, I’m back, wiping away tears. This was so much fun I had to do it a few times:
    A. where are my clothes? game
    B. nfsw wrench
    C. plastic orange palm tree
    D. erotic food fetishes
    E. i have a ridged sagittal crest on my skull

    A. riding as passenger on crotch rocket
    B. spandex wardrobe malfunction
    C. horney turkey
    D. great big turds
    E. “i’m a sociopath”

    A. hoer via e-mail
    B. swearing beaver
    C. nasty harley davidson fatboy
    D. rodeo cowboys in tight jeans
    E. i wet my knickers i was laughing so hard

    I could go on and on…

  5. Thank you, curmudgeon. Unfortunately I have no search terms in my stats to play with as yet, but you gave me a much-needed belly laugh and accompanying rush of endorphins right before my Criminal Procedure final, which starts in five minutes.

  6. How I fail at this:
    A) vice presidential debate 2012 flag size
    B) vice presidential debate split screen
    C) like a migrated bird to the winter poems
    D) sadako graffiti
    E) atomic bomb victims

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