My Big, Fat, Cheap Vacation

As a Curmudgeon-at-Large, I can’t afford expensive holiday trips.  There are no Ritz-Carlton’s or Waldorf Astoria’s in my future.  I needed to get away but I needed to economize.  I kept looking and looking and finally found one of those inexpensive, all exclusive vacation packages – courtesy of FBN Travel – that sounded too good to be true.  It was.  Only later did I find out that FBN stood for fly by night.

My first clue should have been the name of the ship on which we were booked.


This is the last time I take a cheap vacation by booking a room on a freighter!


After our rescue, we arrived at port.  I was provided with a rental car that fit my budget.  (They gave me a tarp in case of rain.)


I drove to our destination.  It was advertised as a remote, exclusive getaway off the beaten track.


I had been told that accommodations were authentically rustic.


Economy lodging certainly has its drawbacks.


The beaches were not exactly pristine.


Dining was a unique experience.


After a relaxing vacation, we looked forward to getting back.  We only needed to traverse the TSA conga line at the airport.


Yes, I know that all of this is lame but surely you can outdo me with bad vacation experiences.  I await your responses.

26 thoughts on “My Big, Fat, Cheap Vacation

  1. Perhaps I can’t top your bad vacations, although I did spend a winter break up at Yale University with my then-fiance who decided that his dorm room on the second day of my trip to visit him was a good time to break up. So nice of him to wait and do it in person!

    So who is the “we” you were vacationing with? A tour group? Or a…special friend?

  2. I was getting a general negative vibe here … you people are just soooo picky! Looked like a wonderful value get-away-from-it-all break to me.

    Er … can anyone help me remove my tongue from my cheek?

  3. That looks lovely; some of the adventures you have on economy vacations are the ones you remember best. For example, the time my husband contracted shigella in the Dominican. I worked in the food service industry so I had to produce, ahem, samples to make sure I was not a carrier. I quit my job instead and couldn’t afford to pay off the bill from the Dominican. That was only marginally better than the time we got robbed at knifepoint in Venezuela. Venezuela was also the place of many animal encounters, including getting chased by a bull, shit on by a bat, and spit on by a llama. I have been stranded in airports more times than I would like to think about, but I can highly recommend the TSA patdown. She was both tender and loving.

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