As a Curmudgeon-at-Large, I can’t afford expensive holiday trips. There are no Ritz-Carlton’s or Waldorf Astoria’s in my future. I needed to get away but I needed to economize. I kept looking and looking and finally found one of those inexpensive, all exclusive vacation packages – courtesy of FBN Travel – that sounded too good to be true. It was. Only later did I find out that FBN stood for fly by night.
My first clue should have been the name of the ship on which we were booked.
This is the last time I take a cheap vacation by booking a room on a freighter!
After our rescue, we arrived at port. I was provided with a rental car that fit my budget. (They gave me a tarp in case of rain.)
I drove to our destination. It was advertised as a remote, exclusive getaway off the beaten track.
I had been told that accommodations were authentically rustic.
Economy lodging certainly has its drawbacks.
The beaches were not exactly pristine.
Dining was a unique experience.
After a relaxing vacation, we looked forward to getting back. We only needed to traverse the TSA conga line at the airport.
Yes, I know that all of this is lame but surely you can outdo me with bad vacation experiences. I await your responses.
Curmudgeon at Large 
Laughed all the way through. Good job. HF
“TItan Uranus”?? That HAS to have been chosen on purpose by whoever named that boat.
Perhaps I can’t top your bad vacations, although I did spend a winter break up at Yale University with my then-fiance who decided that his dorm room on the second day of my trip to visit him was a good time to break up. So nice of him to wait and do it in person!
So who is the “we” you were vacationing with? A tour group? Or a…special friend?
I was getting a general negative vibe here … you people are just soooo picky! Looked like a wonderful value get-away-from-it-all break to me.
Er … can anyone help me remove my tongue from my cheek?
I valued getting back.
Naturally, the sand paper toilet paper was provided on Titan Uranus. That’s a nice touch.
It was accompanied by the crushed glass soap.
I have no response because I stay only at the Four Season, Ritz, or Motel 6.
I have stayed at a Motel 5 where they don’t even leave the light on for you.
That is because I shut it off before you arrived. Sorry.
Now that is well said! HF
“Titan Uranus” made my day! I have no travel horror stories unless you count hotel rooms involving cattle, prostitutes, and rappelling nudists (fortunately not at the same time). http://blog.dianehenders.com/2011/03/12/bad-hotel-karma/
I think that cattle, prostitutes and rappelling nudists will suffice for a good vacation story.
Who doesn’t like to titan Uranus?
I agree.
That boat you took (ha ha: the name!) surely must have been the foreshadowing to know you were on the slow boat to ‘darker’ places.
Good to hear you made it back.
I survived, but barely.
The name of that boat had me in stitches. I’d like to think I’m more sophisticated than that, but apparently, I’m not.
You’re sophisticated enough to catch the low-grade humor involved.
No need to apologize. “Titan Uranus” makes everything better.
It’s what I did throughout the vacation.
That looks lovely; some of the adventures you have on economy vacations are the ones you remember best. For example, the time my husband contracted shigella in the Dominican. I worked in the food service industry so I had to produce, ahem, samples to make sure I was not a carrier. I quit my job instead and couldn’t afford to pay off the bill from the Dominican. That was only marginally better than the time we got robbed at knifepoint in Venezuela. Venezuela was also the place of many animal encounters, including getting chased by a bull, shit on by a bat, and spit on by a llama. I have been stranded in airports more times than I would like to think about, but I can highly recommend the TSA patdown. She was both tender and loving.
Perhaps the TSA should advertise “patdowns” as “rub downs” to see if they get a better reception.
What, no tour guides from hell?
Forgot to add it.
That’s alright. We don’t want them hunting you down for that extra $10 cab fare…