Are You Playing with a Full Deck?

Are you1


I am often asked this question and clearly, I am not.

I can only think of the lyrics from The Statler Brothers’ song Flowers on the Wall:  “Playin’ solitaire till dawn with a stack of fifty one…”


Suppose one of your friends has made a really bad choice – see Bad Decisions – or a series of unforced errors.

When your friend commits one of these questionable actions, whether from lack of intellectual prowess, a deficit of synaptic receptors, a shortage of morning caffeine or just general dumbness, what (politically incorrect) saying do you use when referring to said friend?


  • Not playing with a full deck of cards.
  • Not firing on all cylinders.
  • Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
  • Not the brightest bulb on the tree.
  • Not the sharpest crayon in the box.
  • No grain in the silo.
  • The lights are on but nobody’s home.
  • The wheel is spinning but the hamster’s dead.
  • The train is running but the engineer is asleep at the wheel.
  • The elevator works but not to the top floor.
  • The engine is running but the gear is stuck in park.
  • A few bricks shy of a load.
  • One taco short of a combo platter.
  • A few clowns short of a circus.
  • A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
  • A sandwich short of a picnic.
  • A couple pennies short of a nickel.
  • Got a screw loose.
  • Doesn’t have both oars in the water.
  • Has a leak in the ceiling.
  • Missing a few buttons on the remote control.
  • Gets mail at an unknown zip code.
  • Gets orders from a different planet.
  • Didn’t pay the brain bill.
  • Has room temperature IQ.
  • Their antenna does not pick up all the channels.
  • Their receiver is off the hook.
  • Their sewing machine’s out of thread.
  • Their belt doesn’t go through all the loops.
  • Their cord doesn’t quite reach the outlet.
  • Their ladder is missing a few rungs.

…and my favorite:

  • Their tray table and seat back are not in a fully upright and locked position immediately before landing and takeoff.

Any favorites of yours that I’ve missed?

12 responses to “Are You Playing with a Full Deck?

  1. This is the best list ever! Your full deck of cards is firing on all cylinders in the knife drawer of life!

  2. A few rooms to rent upstairs.
    (Love your stuff, Cur!)

  3. C-a-L,
    My wife would have a few answers for you…………
    Le Clown

  4. What a great list! I like “Sharp as a bag of hammers” for general-purpose use, but when I’m referring to myself, my favourite is “Strong like ox; smart like turnip”. 🙂

  5. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Nope. I got nothing. Maybe I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed.

  6. I often say, “Not the sharpest tool in the shed.” In my head, of course. Never out loud…

  7. This is an old Yorkshire saying ‘a bit limp under t’cap’ meaning nothing is working under his hat. It can be very powerful said with sorrow in a genuine Yorkshire accent (these can be found on YouTube).

  8. Trying to row to shore with a set of toothpicks into a stiff wind with land not in sight.

  9. LOL! I usually apply these to myself, sort of like a disclaimer before I say something stupid. Thanks for giving me some new material. I think everyone knows, “I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed.” 😉

  10. I like “moron-a-thon”
    “IQ is room temperature”
    “Kitty cat dim bulb” (I don’t know where that originated from but we used it a one of my work places…)

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