For those of you unfamiliar with this theme, Fallen Arches is a curmudgeon’s way of looking at romance, one broken heart at a time.
So here is yet another episode of:
Darryl had only three desires in life – hunting, fishing and getting into girls’ panties.
Coming to Grandma’s cabin in the mountains let him do the hunting and fishing; girls’ panties would have to wait a bit longer. He always liked coming to Grandma’s cabin. Grandma was a little bit weird but she was pleasant and she always fed him good stuff like shrimp and grits and biscuits with gravy. Besides, the hunting on her property today was fan-tastic! He had already bagged himself two rabbits just a short ways from the cabin and was on his way back to show off his trophies.
His hope was that Grandma would be back and she would not have Uncle Fester and Aunt Lou Ellen in tow. They were really weird! In fact, all three kept talkin’ shit about some trans-somethin’. Aunt Lou Ellen was always gabbing about how the rocks and the stars mixed with your soul and brought out your inner being, blah, blah, blah. It was all bullshit as far as Darryl could see. He couldn’t figure it out and didn’t want to. As long as they fed him and let him hunt, he was happy.
He also liked the thought of seeing cousin Daisy. He always wanted to get into her knickers since he was a pup. She must be all of fourteen now and ripe as could be, yeseree. Darryl figured that one day he’d see Daisy, sneak up on her and let nature do the rest. At least, that was how Darryl saw it.
As he approached the cabin, he saw that Grandma had returned. The other pickup in the drive told him that Uncle Fester and Aunt Lou Ellen were there as well. His downcast spirits were lifted a bit by the thought of seeing cousin Daisy, even if she came with that snot-nosed little brother of hers. Just as long as Uncle Fester didn’t stare at him with those god-awful eyes. Darryl was a big, strong young man and not afraid of much but something about Uncle Fester frightened him and made his skin crawl.
He bounded up the steps and prepared himself for the ritual greetings as he heard Grandma say to him “Oh, Darryl. You just missed it. It was the most wonderful transformation that your uncle has ever done.”
Darryl wondered what crap he had thankfully missed when his aunt chimed in. “It was amazing. Both children just hopped and bounded with joy. You should have seen them leaping out the door and into the fields.”
“Both children?” said Darryl querulously. “You mean Daisy and her little brother?”
“That’s right.” chirped Aunt Lou Ellen. “Your uncle made them free animal spirits. They get to enjoy the entire day as joyful creatures of the open air and fresh fields before they change back. You may have passed them hopping about as you came in.”
“H-h-hopping” stammered Darryl. “You mean l-l-like rabbits?”
“Yes,” said Aunt Lou Ellen “that’s exactly right. Your uncle transformed them into two darling rabbits to sense freedom and experience their other being.”
“So what did you do while we were gone?” asked Grandma. “Was your hunting successful?”
“Oh, yes” said Darryl, without thinking. “I managed to bag two – ah – two – ah r-r-rab-rabbits.”
“Two rabbits” said Uncle Fester in a low, even but menacing voice. “Two rabbits out in the front field, by any chance?”
“Y-e-s” said Darryl slowly as a dreadful thought started to enter his skull.
“The front field!” shrieked Aunt Lou Ellen, “Isn’t that where the children went when you changed them?”
Uncle Fester’s eyes – always scary as two coal-black centers – now began to change to an intense, fiery red glow as he stared with increasing animosity at Darryl.
Darryl realized with growing alarm that he was going to find out about being transformed. And he wasn’t going to like it one bit!
I’d love to leave an actually helpfull or productive comment, but I can’t read a godforsaken thing on this page, cuz guess what?! If you have light rosé wrighting on a white backround, it’s really freakin hard to read…*genious*
I am unfamiliar with rosé wrighting. To my knowledge, my Coraline theme has beige colored writing on a dark brown background.
But thanks for calling me a *genious* whatever that is.
Sooo… ‘romance’, you say. Tell me, have you been drinking moonshine with your Uncle Fester again? (And next time you do, I’d like to watch… from a safe distance, if there is such a thing. Maybe via remote camera from another hemisphere.)
Warped romance, if you will.
I have no interest in getting near anyone named Uncle Fester.
Ok .. you had me on the second line about waiting a bit … but the twist caught my off guard .. but that’s OK … so then this.
Thankfully, I have no image of Elmer T. lusting after his underage cousin. Whew!
He wanted to get into his cousin’s knickers? I believe there are laws against that. Laws of nature. But, your story is other-worldly, so what the hell.
I could make a snarky comment that getting into your cousin’s knickers was a common practice in some states, but…
Oh, wait, I did just make that comment.
Don’t you love the word knickers?
GAH! Where did that come from?? You are too good a writer. I never saw it coming.
If I’m that good, why aren’t I rich?
Ew, dark and creepy. Poor silly wabbits.
Yes, Bugs would not be pleased with this episode.