I really got excited about turning my idea for Fifty Shades of Grumpy into a novel. It could even become a major motion picture!
I already had the basic formula sketched out. I then turned that sketch into an outline. Finally I set to work on a preliminary draft. Before going any further I thought it best to send the draft to selected reviewers to get input. I got back some of their comments and I see that I need to do a little more work.
I have never read anything like it and hope I never do again. –New York Times
If you only read one book this year, don’t make it this one. –Washington Post
This is a book for which the words “out of print” will be a blessing. –Chicago Tribune
Spectacular! Sexy and erotic! Brilliant! A sensational read! These are the words I would use to describe some other book but not this one. –Los Angeles Times
The book should be made of toilet paper so that it would at least be useful for something. –Barron’s
Thinking of all the starving children in the world is preferable to reading this nonsense. –The Wall Street Journal
This book sucks! –Rolling Stone
Mixing the book with sewage would improve it. –The New York Review of Books
Yet another indication that America never mastered the English language. –Guardian (UK)
The critics have spoken, the bastards!
Fifty Shades of Grumpy, NOT coming to a book store near you anytime soon; NOT to be a major motion picture.
I hadn’t laughed at all today . . . till I read this article.
I love these “reviews” more than anything else I’ve read today. Although I think I have one that could top yours. I’ve written a memoir about family dysfunction, Tales From the Family Crypt, about what happened as each of my parents and my husband’s parents died. While the parents are now gone, the adult children are still alive and well. Well, maybe not so well, as you’ll see. My brother-in-law, one of the characters (I use the term not loosely) in my story, has been stalking my book reviews on Amazon. He comments on every one, all the good ones and the other few negative ones written by other family members. His reviews are hilarious but Amazon keeps deleting them for inappropriate content. My favorite, one you could add to your list:
Christ 1 star
Hitler 5 stars
Seriously, I couldn’t make this up. But I will follow your blog to get the laughs I need to continue dealing with these characters. Thanks.
Thanks for liking my unlikable reviews. Anything to brighten someone’s day.
Maybe the reviewers simply thought you didn’t have enough content for ’50 Shades’ – perhaps ’25 Shades of Grumpy’ would be received better.
Unfortunately, I have enough for 150 shades of grumpy. The reviewers have just added more.
Diane Henders is right: you need to accentuate the positive. Fifty Shades of Grumpy is a multi-purpose book; read it, use it as a door stop and as mulch. For those pounding 5 Hour Energy: do all three at once!
Why didn’t I think of that – book, doorstop, compost?
Because you have yet to publish your worst seller and I’ve already published mine?
Oh, come on, don’t lose hope! It’s all about spin-doctoring. For example, I’d say that The New York Review of Books quite definitively stated that Fifty Shades of Grumpy is so good it would even improve sewage. Spin, baby, spin!
You’ve got me spinning so fast that now I’m dizzy and have to lie down.
Reblogged this on fictionwriterwithablog and commented:
As part of “Re-blog Wednesday”, I chose Curmudgeon-as-Large. I chose him for 2 reasons, a) I love the word curmudgeon, and he does it so well; and, b) who can resist a muppet? Plus, I loathe 50 shades of gray. 50 shades of Grumpy, that I would read 🙂
Thank you for the re-blog and rest assured that I will still remain grumpy.
Some of the worst written books in history (including one with a very similar name to your – have you thought of suing the author for infringement?!?!?) have sold millions of copies. I suggest you toss in regular bits of foul language (“Holy crap”, “Daggnabit”, “Up yours” come to mind), a scene or two of pain you’ve been asked to sign your agreement to (perhaps we could watch your hero [yourself?] squirm helplessly in a dentist’s chair or be physically ‘manipulated’ while strapped to a chiropractor’s table) and I guarantee – copies will fly off the shelves. Don’t give up. There’s an audience out there for this book. 🙂
Yes, there is an audience for this book but no one from the Spanish Inquisition is still alive.
Ha Ha – sounds like you need to get to work on the next one
…or join a circus or go bowling.
Nah – You’ve got a good grumpy book in there somewhere.
What do the critics know? Those who can, do; those who can’t, write reviews.
No one should grow up wanting to be a critic.
Not professionally, anyway.
the antidote for The Secret!
Looking for an antidote? Try Dr. Cur’s Cure-All™ (an older post).
This is not the type of news to read to start one’s day … The cloudy of distraught will probably following me the entire day.
aFrank, is there a “cloud of distraught” day?
I’ve got the date marked.
… and I imagine the answer surprised you.
Yes it did but I knew that you would be the one who would know.
I need you for a reviewer.
I might be too wordy
I believe that is what one reviewer said.
Don’t give up. I have no doubt 50 Shades of Grumpy will find a home. And then those reviewers will have to eat their words while you bask in your published glory…
I’m not so sure. I may have to give up and try bullfighting.
Well, it’s always good to have a plan B.
Hah! I love this!
I need to have you as a reviewer.