One more round of puns.
You may thank (or curse) HighIQHumor for these:
Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microScope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 Billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon
1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
2,000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbird
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
1,000 cc’s of wet socks = 1 Literhosen
8 nickels = 2 Paradigms
And, for your added pleasure:
The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Do you think that humans will ever walk on the sun? (It would have to occur at night.)
Curmudgeon at Large 
Funny post! I like knotfurlong!
…but fur how long?
Howfurlong is but a wonder…
Ah, my favorite measurement in research: the bananosecond.
Love your puns!
Thanks, although I might prefer the Lite year.
I can’t resist. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbrbrzT56pU
http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot
Not only a perfect response, but also one that I’ve used for some time.
And I give you the credit for it. Now if I only could find a groan button.
http://soundbible.com/831-Groan.html
Once again my thanks.
http://soundbible.com/854-Groan-And-Grunt.html
http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=coughbullshit
http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=downer
http://www.freesfx.co.uk/soundeffects/grunts_groans_and_moans/
Delightful! I love puns. Many of these were a measure of your success.
They are actually a measure of my ability to find and copy funny (and punny) material.
Hmm, a semi-colon is half-arsed you mean?
…or half-vast.
ach, your rejoinder is vasted, mein herr.