I was asked the other day what my pet peeves were. After a few minutes, the person who asked realized the painful mistake of asking a curmudgeon for a list of pet peeves. Now, we can name Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Bill O’Reilly and CNN but these pet peeves are individual and personal. Death and taxes are inevitable. I believe that pet peeves should be generic and universal.
Here are a few of mine. Thousands more to follow.
- Robo-calls and telemarketers
- Butt cracks
- People who invade your personal space when talking to you
- Stealth farters, especially in elevators
- All reality TV shows
- The guy who leaves the restroom smelling so bad it would knock a buzzard off a garbage truck
- The lady ahead of you in the checkout line who waits until all her items have been totaled before looking for her wallet (Did she think that the items would be free?)
- All waiters who wait until your mouth is full to ask you how your meal is
- Bad grammar
- People who found Jesus (Was Jesus ever lost?)
- People who come up to you and say “Smile!” (I’m a curmudgeon; smiling isn’t permitted unless the person saying “Smile!” falls into an open manhole.)
- Public nose pickers and crotch scratchers (Yes, I’m guilty but at least I try to do these ugly things in private.)
- Parents who abandon their uncontrolled children in stores, malls, movie theaters until you discipline the kids and the parents suddenly appear and act indignant.
- Drivers who take up two parking spaces
- The guy next to you who coughs continually on a non-stop flight from NYC to Buenos Aries
- The lady at the dining table next to you whose piercing shriek of a laugh would break glass (and eardrums)
- All commercials or ads involving the digestive system
- Born again anything (Please stay dead.)
- The phrase “Can I give you some advice?”
- People who make lists of pet peeves.
I know that you are itching to tell me your pet peeves so go ahead, I dare you; I double dare you; I triple dare you. (Yes, that’s another pet peeve.)
People who speed up to pass you because you just signaled a lane change.
“Could I ask you a question?”
(You just did.)
I have some of the same!!
Great. My pet peeve (?) is people like this guy (bit like your #19) …
Great list! On the topic of TV commercials, I would like to add “Drugs” – the side effects make you wonder why you would take them.
See The Remedy for You, September 2014 https://curmudgeon-at-large.com/2014/09/14/the-remedy-for-you/.
I share all your pet peeves. However, if I tried to add mine, you’d still be reading. (At my age, almost everything is a pet peeve.)
Hmmm… an epitaph that read
“Died While Listing Pet Peeves.”
I agree with many of these, especially number 20. I’m so worried about listing pet peeves out loud and inspiring someone who’d previously held their tongue concerning mine.
Have you ever tried to hold your tongue? Unless you have a very long tongue, it’s really hard (and painful).
Salespeople who say they’ll deliver in a week when they know damn well the product is at least three weeks out. And who, when called on it, just keep smiling and lying instead of flat-out saying “It’ll be three weeks.” I don’t CARE if it’s going to take three weeks; just tell me that up front so I can plan appropriately! Argh! (No, I don’t feel strongly about that at all; why do you ask?)
How do you know a salesman is lying? His lips are moving,
People who don’t say “thank you” when you hold the door open for them . . . like they are God’s gift.
…or look at you with an aggravated stare as though you did not open the door properly.
Many of your pet peeves are my pet peeves. Another pet peeve is being the only one in my house who seems capable of replacing an empty kleenex box or hanging clean hand towels. I’m pretty sure if I wasn’t around, the hand towels in our bathrooms would be crunchy and petrified from never being changed.
On the other hand, crunchy, petrified hand towels may keep away unwanted visitors.
Over sharing on Facebook. I don’t need to know about the quality of your kid’s bowel movements. Come to think of it, Facebook, period.
You mean you don’t like those Facebook posts that say “Oh, I’m so down today” or “Boy, is my diarrhea bad?”
Otherwise, you covered it.
No one has written a book called “Zen and the Art of Leaf Blowing.”
Actually, I think my neighbor is doing so every Sunday.
You covered a good few of mine there.
People who act as if there’s a manual on how to live
I will get back to you as soon as I finish the chapter entitled “How to Respond to Nonbelievers of the How to Live Manual.”
You covered most of my mine, but as a woman, I could toss in a few more. Men’s fantasy that socks can be worn with man-sandals; the unexpected man-sneeze that comes out as a multi-organ-shriveling yell; men (or anyone) who discover their ear holes during church..
So, basically, men in general.
Yes, but that would leave out women who whisper when you’re standing right there! Or women who cackle. So, no.
21. The driver in the right lane who refuses to let you move over because the 30 feet in front of him are so damn precious to him.
I am often behind that guy.
I’m not sure I could think of another thing to add. You’ve done a great job!
You’ve hit most of mine above (well, 20 of them anyway!)