Pontius Pilate, 21st century version:
“What is truth?” said jesting Donaldus Pilate.
“’Truth isn’t truth’1 because ‘over time, truth develops’2 and results in ‘alternative facts.’3”
- Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump’s TV lawyer
- Jay Sekulow, Donald Trump’s personal lawyer
- Kellyanne Conway, Counselor to the President
I have relatives in high places (they are smoking something in the Colorado Rockies) who provided me with a year-ending set of puns:
- The meaning of opaque is unclear.
- I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.
- Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time-consuming.
- A man tried at assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
- If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.
- It’s a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Sumurais it for you.
- It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
- So what if I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘apocalypse’? It’s not the end of the world.
- Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.
- The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
- Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
- Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
- I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
- Did you know they won’t be making yardsticks any longer?
- I used to be allergic to soap but I’m clean now.
- The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
- What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.
- Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!
- My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.
- What is a thesaurus’s favorite dessert? Synonym buns…
- A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
- There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal
- How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound…
- And finally…