J.H. in Lake Forest, CA, writes: The origin of this verse is unknown; it’s been around since at least 1956, though in slightly different form:
The election is over; the results well known;
The will of the people is clearly shown.
Let’s forget our troubles and show by our deeds
That we’ll give our leader all the help that he needs.
So let’s all get together and let bitterness pass;
I’ll hug your elephant and you kiss my donkey.
Citizenship Test
With a national election upcoming in the United States, I have been wondering how much the average American knows about the rights of U.S. citizenship. Naturalized citizens are required to pass a citizenship test (see link ) but those of us born as American citizens have no such requirement. I think it is time that ALL Americans, if they want to be called Americans, stand up and take a test to prove that they are indeed true-blue one hundred percent U.S. citizens.
Ergo (meaning more pompous than therefore), I offer the Curmudgeon-at-Large True-Blue United States Citizenship Test.
2.What is the first question asked by a defense attorney to his client?
3. What is the proper drink for the Fourth of July?
4. Where was President Barak Obama born?
5. Where was Donald Trump born?
6. Which person below is NOT true-blue one hundred percent American?
a) 
b) 
c) 
d) 
7. What do you do when go into a voting booth?
8. In the event no candidate for President of the United States receives the required number of electoral votes, who chooses the next president?
9. What are the three branches of government?
10. Match the statement to the president.
| a) I am not a crook. | George H.W. Bush |
| b) I did not have sexual relations with that woman. | Richard Nixon |
| c) Read my lips. | Lyndon Johnson |
| d) Gerald Ford can’t piss and chew gum at the same time. | Bill Clinton |
11. What are the first words a foreign-speaking naturalized citizen should understand when entering the United States?
12. How often does the United States Constitution get changed?
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To get your results, please place your answers, a self-addressed stamped envelope and $500 in cash (preferably small bills) in a sealed envelope and mail it to:
You will receive the answers that you deserve.
Your welcome, America!
To lighten your mind (translation: waste your time) after a seemingly endless election campaign season in the US, ponder on these imponderables:
Fresh from my successful stint as a political consultant for your victorious entry-level political campaign (Politics 101), I’m ready to give advice for bigger and better things.
Political debates:
Campaign appearances:
Campaign strategies:
With the election season upon us and a number of you weighing in on your dearly cherished views, I know that, at some point in your life, you may have gotten the urge to enter politics.
Unless you are Donald Trump, Steve Forbes, H. Ross Perot or a bunch of forgettable (or soon to be forgettable) characters, you cannot afford to start your career in politics at the top by running for President of the United States. Yet the very thought of kissing a million gooey babies, shaking a zillion hands and spending your weekday nights on the rubber chicken circuit sends you screaming away in revulsion. Happily, after all these years, I have finally decoded the method for avoiding these unpleasant events and getting that coveted first step in election glamour – being elected Soil and Water Commissioner.
First, having a good name helps. Suppose you must choose one of the following for Soil and Water Commissioner:
Now it does the unfortunately named Bin Laden II no good that he is a pacifist, a poet and a Samaritan and is not related in any way, shape or form to the other nasty guy. Nor does it aid mister unpronounceable, vowel-deprived Przbrz in the fact that he was a former freedom fighter and an experienced hydrologist. John Adams may be a stew bum and a derelict but he will get your vote every time. Of course, if you are in a heavily Polish-American voting district, then Mr. Przbrz is your choice even if he is a stew bum.
Second, placement is key. Get your name placed as close to the top of the list as possible. Let me use another example. Vote for two of the following for Soil and Water Commissioner:
Now Mr. Adams is in trouble. We might spend some time on President, Senator, Congressman or County Executive, but Soil and Water Commissioner? Aren’t we going to pick the first two reasonable sounding names and go on? I have had some discussion with friends on this theory. There are those who pick anybody but the first two names out of contrariness. There are others who work from the bottom up and still others who pick every other name. I still insist that being first on the list gives you an advantage.
Third, have a plethora of signs before the election. While I have not yet found a study that makes a correlation between the number of “vote for me” signs and the effectiveness of the candidate, it certainly must mean something for someone to go through all that trouble to mar major and minor highways with signs asking you to vote for them. Now you might make the case that a really good Commissioner would not deface the countryside with an endless stream of “vote for me” signs and only put up a few but, psychologically, don’t we correlate the number of signs with the strength of the candidate?
So that’s the plan – good name, key placement in the list and tons and tons of election signs. When you use my foolproof technique and get elected as the next Soil and Water Commissioner, you can decode the mystery I haven’t solved over all these years – what does a Soil and Water Commissioner do?
Curmudgeon at Large 