One more round of puns.

You may thank (or curse) HighIQHumor for these:

Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microScope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 Billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon

1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line

2,000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbird

1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton

1,000 cc’s of wet socks = 1 Literhosen

8 nickels = 2 Paradigms

And, for your added pleasure:

The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Do you think that humans will ever walk on the sun? (It would have to occur at night.)