Tag Archives: nature’s call

When Nature Shouldn’t Call

 

“To what do you attribute this unexpected visit?”

This was the question posed to me by a clear but disembodied voice disturbing my reverie as I sat privately in my stall in the men’s room.

Well, other than it’s none of your business, nature would be my first response.  And it’s not really unexpected: it happens regularly all the time.  But before I could answer,  I got another intriguing question.

“Is there a way that you can prolong your stay?”

Now things were getting a little strange.  I wanted to point our that prolonging my stay was not in my, or other people’s, best interest.  I also wanted to stress that I did not extend my bathroom breaks as excuses to finish the New York Times crossword puzzle, for example.  Once again, before I could respond, the disembodied voice queried me once more.

“Is there some way that I can assist you in fulfilling your mission?”

Now we’ve gone from strange to terribly unsettling.  I had never considered nature’s call as a mission much less that I need the assistance of a total stranger to complete it.  Then suddenly, it all came clear:

“Okay then, we’ll convene a conference call tomorrow at 9 am sharp and look at all alternatives to keep our business with the new client.”

The man in the stall next to me was a businessman who saw no reason to interrupt his business call with a bathroom break.  Ah, the modern inconvenience of the cell phone.  I’m uncertain what the individual at the other end of the call thought about the background sounds during this conversation but I, for one,  am not keen on mixing business calls with nature’s call.

If all of the participants followed the lead of this businessman, I can only imagine what the conference call the following morning sounded like:

[Organizer]:  “Are we all on the call?”

{Sounds of stall doors closing and locking on the other end}

inconf1

[Organizer]:  “Okay, let’s begin.  Do we have an opinion on how to handle our new client?”

{Pffffffffffffffft!!}

[Organizer]:  After a pregnant pause, “Would you please clarify you statement?”

{Disgusting sound} followed by “I’d prefer not to.”

[Organizer]: ” Okay then, does anyone else have an opinion on how we treat our new client?”

{Disgusting sounds numbers 2, 3 and 4}

[Organizer]:  “Uh, can we take that to a vote?  All in favor of number 2?”

{Sounds of toilets flushing}

[Organizer]:  “The ayes have it.  Let’s all follow up with number 2.  This concludes our meeting; thank you all for attending.”

{Various inaudible sounds and murmurs.}