Tag Archives: pets

Beware of Dog!

 

My wife and I decided to get a dog.  (Translation: my wife decided to get a dog.)

The dog is a female Yorkshire terrier.  Taking the description of one dog breed website, terriers are good for people who 1) don’t want a large bulky dog; 2) want a dog that’s playful and social with people; 3) likes their dog to be busy and active without demanding constant attention; and 4) want a companion that will always be alert and watchful if the local squirrels dare to come into the garden and steal your nuts.

(My day is ruined if I find that squirrels are trying to steal my nuts.)

According to the Wikipedia, the Yorkshire terrier is a small dog breed of terrier type, developed in the 19th century in the county of Yorkshire, England to catch rats in clothing mills, also used for rat-baiting.

(My week is ruined if I find that rats are trying to eat my nuts.)

In the short time that we have had this adorable creature, we have trained the puppy to pee and poo on its pee-pad.  In that same time, the puppy has trained two humans to wait on her hand and foot.  I had thought, up to now, that only cats had staff but I am learning from a three-pound puppy that dogs can have staff as well.

Our puppy has two modes – adorable, sleeping puppy mode and psycho puppy mode.  I prefer adorable, sleeping puppy mode but that mode does not last long.  During psycho puppy mode, the puppy attacks everything in sight, usually the hands and feet of the male human because male human hands and feet and rats have a lot in common, at least according to the puppy and female humans.  (No female human has ever attacked my hands or feet but they have called me a rat on more than one occasion.)

During college, my housemates and I ended up dog sitting a six month old St. Bernard puppy until he found a good home.  If a three-pound Yorkshire terrier does something bad, you hold it in one hand and say “bad dog!” even though it doesn’t listen to your scolding.  If a 150 pound St. Bernard puppy does something bad, you first have to decide how strong you are and how much pain you are willing to endure to tell it “bad dog!” even though it doesn’t listen to your scolding.  We all believe that St. Bernard’s are the well-behaved dogs that rescue people trapped in heavy snow drifts.  We forget that a dog that can travel through heavy snow drifts is very strong and quite independently minded.  The St. Bernard puppy story has a happy ending: the puppy ended up with a couple who owned a farm where the dog had plenty of room to roam.

So I am being slowly trained by this three-pound terror to obey her rules but at least I know that my nuts are safe.

Warning!

 

Yorkysign2

Beware of the Yorkshire terrier!

National Pet Month

According to the website http://www.nationalpetmonth.org.uk/ , April 7th to May 7th is National Pet Month.  So in honor of all the pets I’ve had and all the hard-working pets out there – and with tongue firmly in cheek – I’ve composed a little ditty called Life is Hard, But Life is Hardest When You’re a Pet.

It should be sung to the tune of the Austin Lounge Lizards’ Life is Hard, But Life is Hardest When You’re Dumb:

Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re a pet,
Just one fight and then you’re off to see the vet.
  To get food you must play dumb,
  Because you have no opposable thumb,
Oh life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re a pet.

Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re a pet,
You’ve never found a stupid pet trick that you like yet.
  When told rollover or play dead,
  You’d just like to cuff them upside the head,
Oh life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re a pet.

Life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re a pet,
Chained all day, caged at night that’s all you get.
  When you see the kids they’ve made,
  You wonder just who should get neutered and spayed,
Oh life is hard, but life is hardest when you’re a pet.

Give your pet an extra hug this month.

Unless you have a pet wolverine or porcupine.  Then, just wave.