According to Recent Studies – 2


More about everything you never wanted to know.

February 2012:  Discovery News reports that Planned Parenthood of the Great Northwest has distributed 55,000 condoms around local colleges and universities that feature implanted QR codes, which track when and where people have sex. The reported data is then collected on a website called

[It’s ten o’clock; do you know where your condom is tonight?]

April 2012:  From the San Francisco Chronicle; Man struck by lightning after buying lotto ticket.

A Kansas man hoped for good fortune after buying lottery tickets for a record $656 million jackpot last week, but proved instead that his chances were better to be struck by lightning.  The man bought three tickets for the Mega Million jackpot at a grocery store in Kansas on Thursday night, and the volunteer weather spotter told a friend that he had a better chance of getting struck by lightning than winning.

Turns out he was right.  Later that night, he was standing in the back yard of his Wichita duplex, when he saw a flash and heard a boom — lightning.  He was taken to a hospital for observation after being struck but had no burns or other problems from the lightning strike.

Lottery officials predicted that the odds of winning the world record largest jackpot was about one in 176 million. The odds of getting struck by lightning? The National Weather Service says the odds are one in 775,000.

[Suggestion: Don’t buy a lottery ticket when thunderstorms are predicted.]

November 2011:  A bank customer in Llodio, Alava, Spain, recently received quite a shock when “a snake came slithering out of the slot of a cash machine when he withdrew his money,” according to a report by Euro Weekly News.

[Will Samuel L. Jackson buy rights to a movie called Snakes in a Bank?]

April 2012:  Andrew Fazekas for National Geographic News; Auroras Seen on Uranus for First Time.

For the first time, astronomers have snapped photos of auroras lighting up Uranus’ icy atmosphere.  “The last time we had any definite signals of auroral activity on Uranus was when NASA’s Voyager 2 probe swung by in 1986,” said study leader Laurent Lamy, an astronomer at the Observatoire de Paris in Meudon, France.  “But this is the first time we can actually see these emissions light up with an Earth-based telescope.”

Auroras tend to surround a planet’s poles, where magnetic field lines converge and funnel incoming charged solar particles into the planet’s atmosphere. There, the particles collide with air molecules, making the molecules glow.  The auroras’ unusual appearance might have something to do with the planet’s oddball orientation.

 [I promise that I will never ask you about auroras on Uranus.]

June 2012 from MSN:  Cops dismiss “false alarm,” overlook man dying in freezer.

On Sunday night, Tennessee’s Metropolitan Nashville Police Department was alerted that a security alarm had gone off at the Germantown Café East, triggered from inside the restaurant’s freezer. The officers went to the scene, found the restaurant’s doors closed and the lights off, and dismissed it as a false alarm. They were wrong. On Monday morning, the body of the café co-owner was discovered inside the freezer.  The co-owner had reportedly stopped into the restaurant to check the food supply following a Friday night power outage.  He somehow became trapped inside and did his best to alert authorities (his cellphone was later found at his home). Police have launched an internal investigation.

[Obviously, you should always bring your cellphone with you into a freezer!]

September 2012:  NBC News staff reports that a woman who faked cancer to raise money for breast implants was sentenced to a year in jail.

The woman, 27, faked having breast cancer so she could have her breasts augmented, according to Arizona police.  A Phoenix woman accused of pretending to have cancer to raise money for breast implants was sentenced on Wednesday to one year in jail, local media reported.  According to prosecutors, she told her family, friends and co-workers at a local hospice that she had breast cancer and needed money for a double mastectomy and breast reconstructive surgery.  Her mother created a website for donations, and police said people donated more than $8,000 to the cause beginning in 2011.

[Inmates offered to check the woman’s breasts daily to prevent reoccurrence.]

According to Recent Studies

Everything you never wanted to know.

January 2012:  Heavy boozers are imbibing more frequently according to new government data that looked, for the first time, at the detailed habits of binge drinkers.  One in six U.S. adults reported binge drinking at least once in 2010, a slight increase from the previous year, according to a Center for Disease Control report.  Seniors — those older than 65 — reported binge drinking the most often of any age group.

[Getting old has at least one advantage.]

November 2011:  In a new study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, men who have had sex with animals were twice as likely to develop penile cancer as those who stick with their own kind.

[Men, let this be a warning to you!  The next time you are visiting Scotland or New Zealand and that sheep gives you a knowing wink, turn away.]

August 2011:  The theory that hidden-from-view undergarments are the first thing men stop buying as the economy heads south has former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan among its subscribers.  Sales of men’s underwear rose 7.9% in August [2011] from a year earlier, according to research firm NPD Group.  By this measure, at least, we’re moving in the right direction.

[Presumably, if a lot of men are wearing only underwear, the economy is moving in the wrong direction.]

June 2009:  In the journal Trends in Ecology & Evolution, same-sex sexual behavior extends far beyond the well-known examples that dominate both the scientific and popular literature: for example, bonobos, dolphins, penguins, albatrosses and fruit flies.

[You know, I always suspected penguins.  But albatrosses?  Who knew?]

November 2007, Science Daily: There are promiscuous antelopes.  A new study by the Department of Biology, University of Jyva¨ skyla, Finland and the Institute of Zoology, Regent’s Park, London, UK, reveals that sexual conflict runs in reverse.  Among African topi antelopes, females are the ones who aggressively pursue their mates, while males play hard to get.

[Guys, if you are on safari, don’t get too close to the antelopes.  See the November 2011 warning.]

December 2006, ABC News:  Weeding through the value of the nation’s cash crops, a study (“Marijuana Production in the United States” by marijuana policy researcher Jon Gettman) released today states that marijuana is the U.S.’s most valuable crop.

[For some reason, I thought it was Brussel sprouts.] 

January 2006:  At a meeting of the American Astronomical Society, it was announced that a spinning black hole in the constellation Scorpius created a stable dent in the fabric of space-time.

[There is a dent in space-time?  What is space-time made of, aluminum siding?] 

The announcement explains that gravity waves are distortions in the fabric of space-time predicted by Albert Einstein’s theory of general relativity.

[Wait a minute, space-time is a fabric?  Then how does it get dents?  Maybe it’s a combination of aluminum siding and under amour.  How do you repair it if it tears? ]

March 2012:  Astronomers using the Hubble Space Telescope are mystified by a merging galaxy cluster known as Abell 520 in which concentrations of visible matter and dark matter have apparently come unglued.

[There is a definite need for a space epoxy repair kit.]