Why we still need editors:
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Why I love movie critics, especially when they are panning bad movies:
“This ghastly comedy emits the subliminal whine of a sucking chest wound.” — The Village Voice
“Another dim adaptation of a bright comic novel.” — The Wall Street Journal
“The film stinks from start to finish, like a wet burlap sack of gloom.” — LA Weekly
“Stupid. Illogical. Simplistic. Pandering. And those are its good points.” — Baltimore Sun
“The scariest thing in the movie is a cameo by Scott Baio.” — The Village Voice
“The most surprising thing about the movie is that somebody bothered to make it in the first place.” — The Washington Post
“A movie about self-absorbed douchebags that wallows in their douchebaggery.” — The A.V. Club
“As numbing and depressing to watch as suits hammering out a film-packaging deal one venal clause at a time.” — LA Weekly
“About as arousing as an icy shower.” — Entertainment Weekly
“It feels like both a joke and a turkey.” — The New York Times
I really got excited about turning my idea for Fifty Shades of Grumpy into a novel. It could even become a major motion picture!
I already had the basic formula sketched out. I then turned that sketch into an outline. Finally I set to work on a preliminary draft. Before going any further I thought it best to send the draft to selected reviewers to get input. I got back some of their comments and I see that I need to do a little more work.
I have never read anything like it and hope I never do again. –New York Times
If you only read one book this year, don’t make it this one. –Washington Post
This is a book for which the words “out of print” will be a blessing. –Chicago Tribune
Spectacular! Sexy and erotic! Brilliant! A sensational read! These are the words I would use to describe some other book but not this one. –Los Angeles Times
The book should be made of toilet paper so that it would at least be useful for something. –Barron’s
Thinking of all the starving children in the world is preferable to reading this nonsense. –The Wall Street Journal
This book sucks! –Rolling Stone
Mixing the book with sewage would improve it. –The New York Review of Books
Yet another indication that America never mastered the English language. –Guardian (UK)
The critics have spoken, the bastards!
Fifty Shades of Grumpy, NOT coming to a book store near you anytime soon; NOT to be a major motion picture.