Tag Archives: science

More Per Capita

While I am off thinking of more items to grouse and complain about, I realized that you should have something other than The Donald’s statue to contemplate.

Those of you in Canada or Mexico can choose a state comparable to your province.

MorePer Capita


Scientific Puns

One more round of puns.

You may thank (or curse) HighIQHumor for these:


Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microScope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 Billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon

1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line

2,000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbird

1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton

1,000 cc’s of wet socks = 1 Literhosen

8 nickels = 2 Paradigms


And, for your added pleasure:

The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.

Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Do you think that humans will ever walk on the sun? (It would have to occur at night.)

Pluto Redux



I had written an earlier post – The Demise of Pluto – lamenting its reduction in status to that of dwarf planet or plutoid.  In 2006, the International Astronomical Union demoted Pluto to its new status and we were left with eight rather than nine planets.  In my (humble) opinion, this is a clear travesty of justice.  The recent NASA New Horizons flyby mission and subsequent gathering of data have reinforced my efforts to return Pluto to its rightful place in our solar system.

With a nod to David Letterman and List of X, I have ten reasons to elevate Pluto back to planethood:

1.  Pluto has 5 moons – Charon, Kerberos, Styx, Nix and Hydra. Hey, that’s five times the number that Earth has. Mars only has two and Venus and Mercury have none. Plus the fact is that several of the moons can be mistaken for cosmological forms of Netsuke. Shown below, the one on the left is Nix or penis without testicles and the one on the right is Hydra or squatting doggie.


2.  There have been no Donald Trump sightings on Pluto. [As an aside, The Donald is opposed to reinstating Pluto to planet status because he feels that many other undocumented dwarf planets would ask for planet status thus depriving the existing planets of their livelihoods. “I like my planets big and full of gas” said The Donald. “Those other things out there aren’t real planets.”]

3.  It is completely virgin territory, unscathed by war, pestilence, plague, terrorism and other acts of inhumanity. In other words, it is an ideal spot for humans to start war, pestilence, plague, terrorism and other acts of inhumanity.

4.  Even though it took the New Horizons space probe ten years to get from Earth to Pluto, when any of the above acts occur, news media will still report upon it live in seconds.

5.  It will provide innumerable job opportunities for land developers, exotic travel specialists, food franchisers (anyone for a Pluto dog?), doomsayers, soothsayers, creationists, revisionists, recidivists, spelunkers, debunkers, bikers, hikers, criers, liars, hair dyers, pied pipers, psychics, people of Area 51, people of Walmart, people in the witness protection program, planet-to-planet salesmen and – least of all – mimes.

6.  You won’t have to revise those sayings which you memorized to remember the order of the planets: Man Very Early Makes Jars Stand Up Nearly Perpendicular or My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nine Planets.

7.  It’s a good place to park your in-laws. By the time they come back for a return visit, you’ll be dead.

8.  The use of dwarf planet is demeaning and degrading. The preferred term is volumetrically challenged.

9.  Restoration of Pluto to full planet status will increase the likelihood of the removal of the anal probing station placed there by aliens shortly after Pluto’s demotion to dwarf planet.  The station will return where it rightfully belongs – Uranus.

10.  Hundreds of organizations – from the U.S. Congress and the United Nations to the Triskaidekaphobia Illuminatus Society and the Astrology Club – can take credit for the rightful restoration of Pluto without costing any of them a dime.  It’s a win-win.

Once again, I ask you to join me in the effort to restore Pluto to planethood!



Amazing Maps


Once again, FOAF (that’s Friend of a Friend to the uninitiated) has come to the rescue with some incredible world maps.  These maps remind me of Edward Tufte’s book on The Visual Display of Quantitative Information (http://www.edwardtufte.com/tufte/index .

I’m sure that these maps are available somewhere on the Internet and, if you find out where, please give me the originator so I can credit that source.  In the meantime, enjoy the graphical descriptions.

This map shows the world divided into 7 sections (each with a distinct color) with each section containing 1 billion people.


More people live inside the circle than outside of it.


This map shows (in white) where 98 percent of Australia’s population lives.


This map shows what is on the other side of the world from where you are standing.  For the most part it will probably be water.

This map shows the countries (in blue) where people drive on the left side of the road.


This map shows countries (in white) that England has never invaded.  There are only 22 of them.


The line in this map shows all of the world’s Internet connections in 1969.


This map shows the countries that heavily restricted Internet access in 2013.


This map shows (in red) countries that were all Communist at one point in time.


This map shows (in red) the countries that don’t use the metric system.


This map shows (in green) all the landlocked countries of the world.


And this is what the world would look like if all the countries with coast lines sank.


This map shows the longest straight line you can sail.  It goes from Pakistan all the way to Kamchatka Peninsula in Russia for a total of 20,000 miles.


This is a map of 19th century shipping lanes that outlines the continents.


This map shows the most photographed places in the world.


And this map shows all the places where you can get eaten by a Great White shark!



What do George W. Bush, Donald Trump, Anthony Weiner, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, Waco Texas biker gangs and most dogs have in common?  They all receive messages from Sirius, the Dog Star.


Have you ever noticed how dogs will stop and tilt their heads to one side with a quizzical look?  They are receiving instructions from Sirius.  My new little puppy assumes this stance before going into psycho-puppy mode.  Eventually, she is ordered, by extra-terrestrial powers, to relax and assume the adorable puppy mode.

George W. Bush assumed a similar position before he was instructed to invade Iraq.


Yes, you read it here first.  Bush 43 did not decide on his own to invade Iraq; he was ordered to do so by forces in the universe.

Sometimes the orders get mixed up.  Not a month ago, several would be presidential candidates were caught attempting to lick their privates while, on the same day, a bunch of dogs declared their candidacy for President of the United States.  Donald Trump got both orders simultaneously.


Anthony Weiner received a similar mixed up message which instructed him to do different things with his – uh – thing.

And then there is the leader of Russia, one Vladimir Putin.  Is it not more than coincidence that Putin and a Russian wolfhound look alike?  Both have “dog star receiver” written all over their faces.  Both have the mannerisms and actions to support this theory.


When Putin mysteriously disappeared for a period a time, the journals were abuzz with rumors about his absence – a coup, super-secret negotiations or a covert liaison?  No, he was getting a much-needed flea bath and toe trim ordered by interstellar forces.

Then there is the supreme leader of the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of Korea, Kim Jong-un.


There is no comparable picture of a dog because 1) it’s disrespectful to all dogs and 2) Kim would have the dog convicted of disloyalty, executed and then eaten.

Last, and certainly least, are the biker gangs of Waco, Texas.  You probably concluded that the recent deadly incident involving a bunch of biker gangs revolved around drugs, alcohol and high testosterone levels.  Wrong!  They were actually fighting over the economic policies of the former late president of France, Valery Giscard D’Estaing.  At the same time, at an economic summit, economists fought over a dog bone.

These stated items are just a few of the many occurrences that have been influenced by forces from outer space.  In fact, this phenomenon is so common that I am amazed it has not been canonized into law.

It is not known what intent the Sirius forces have in mind.  Are they:

  • Planning a full-scale invasion?
  • Just fooling with our minds?
  • Testing their version of the emergency broadcast system?
  • Attempting to enroll in Obamacare?
  • Creating their own type of intergalactic PlayStation?
  • Playing interstellar fantasy space balls?

No one knows.  Unless you know.  Of course, you may be receiving orders as well.