Search Terms, Schmerch Terms

A while ago, I came up with the idea of a mad-lib contest based solely upon your blog’s search terms.  Little did I know where this would lead me.

I began to wonder what search terms other bloggers used to get to mine.  Thanks to WordPress’ statistics on search engine words and phrases, I was able to look at my all-time list of search terms.  The top five separated themselves quite cleanly from the rest.  In reverse order, they are:

5.  Unusual cars.  I posted an article with photographs of weird and unusual cars from the early 20th century.

4.  Victorian letter writing.  I created an imaginary letter from a Victorian gentleman, in the fashion of Jane Austen, apologizing for a written affront.

3.  Trebuchet.  A trebuchet is a siege engine that was employed in the middle ages.  Every curmudgeon needs one.

2.  Curmudgeon at Large.  Well, it’s who I am.  I did write, as my very first post, a credo of my objectives.

And the winner, the top of the list, the ne plus ultra, The Donald Trump of wonders, the idol finalist, the biggest loser…   Oh, you get the idea…

Drum roll please:

1.   Sex with animals.

Yes, I know.  People, this is sick.  Animals, this is sick.  Aliens, this is sick.

I wrote a post entitled According to Recent Studies which included a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that stated that men who have had sex with animals were twice as likely to develop penile cancer as those who stick with their own kind.  How could I have imagined that this post would generate the number one search term of my first year of blogging?

It overwhelmed anal probing, condoms for wild horses, lizard aliens, smash alarm clock and ‘we hate dumpster brokers’ among others.

What does this say about the depraved, immoral, ungodly, disgusting, perverted society in which we live that sex with animals is the number one topic on peoples’ minds?

Is this not wacko and insane?

Are we so degenerate and dissolute that intercourse with animals is our strongest interest?

Have we not already joined the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah?

So, what’s your very favorite sex with animals experience?


By the way, sick – I mean sixth – place was a tie among Tropical heat, Suntan on a beach and Origami turkey.

Tropical Heat

Writing the Romance Novel – Chapter Five

Novellas of Broken Romance.

Chapter Five

Leaning back in his tropical lawn chair, covered with sun tan oil under a brilliant Caribbean sun and surrounded by a pristine pearl-white beach, an azure sea in front of him, a piña colada on his left, the beautiful Lola on his right, it was easy to forget the circuitous path by which Roderick had gotten to this demi-paradise.

While it ended here in tropical heat, it all started on a cold, wintry evening in a dreary office in Cleveland, Ohio.  Roderick was a boring but unscrupulous accountant who had devised a scheme to defraud his long established firm of three hundred thousand dollars.  On Friday the first, Roderick left the office at 2nd and Grand early.  He walked four blocks to the local Fifth Third Bank branch and withdrew the money from the firm’s general account.  Promptly at 6 pm, he boarded the 7A bus and arrived at the train station at 8:15.  He bought a one way ticket to New York City and arrived the following morning at 9:04 am, after a painful delay from 10 to 11 pm just outside Pittsburg.

From Grand Central Station, he hailed a cab to JFK International Airport and purchased a ticket to Frankfurt, Germany.  The day before, Roderick had brought his passport, a few overnight items and a carry-on duffel for the money since he was not stopping at his dreary apartment after work or ever again.  From Frankfurt, he booked a flight to Buenos Aires and then to the Cayman Islands.

He now was basking in all the pleasures of this Caribbean paradise.  Lola was some beautiful tramp he found during the long layover in Buenos Aires.  Three hundred thousand dollars, although a large sum, would not support Lola and him to his new extravagant life style for long.  But thirty-one million dollars would.  And that thirty-one million should arrive any day now, at least according to the letter Roderick had intercepted at his old firm.

Dear Sir:

I am Dr. Obi Ngame, a director with the Union Bank of Nigeria in Lagos, and I wish to speak to you most urgently about a matter regarding the sum of US $31 million dollars.  We want a reliable agent who could assist us to transfer this sum to his account.  We only require a deposit of US $300,000 in order to proceed with the transaction …


Roderick stopped reading, stretched his back muscles and smiled.  The account had been set up; the money transferred and it was only a matter of time before he could end his days in the heat and passion of the tropics.  Life was good.