Did I Read That Right? – Part 2

Once again, I am saved by a “friend of a friend” with a whole new set of weird newspaper headlines:

MESSIAH CLIMAXES IN CHORUS OF HALLELUJAHS

– The Anchorage, Alaska Times

THANKS TO PRESIDENT CLINTON, STAFF SGT. FRUER NOW HAS A SON

– The Arkansas Plainsman

CLINTON PLACES DICKEY IN GORE’S HANDS

– The Bangor, Maine News

STARR AGHAST AT FIRST LADY SEX POSITION

– The Washington Times

TEXTRON INC. MAKES OFFER TO SCREW COMPANY STOCKHOLDERS

–  The Miami Herald

MARRIED PRIESTS IN CATHOLIC CHURCH A LONG TIME COMING

– The New Haven, Connecticut Register

GOVERNOR CHILES OFFERS RARE OPPORTUNITY TO GOOSE HUNTERS

– The Tallahassee, Florida Democrat

EGG ROLL INCLUDES GAY PARENTS

– The Eugene, Oregon Register-Guard

(In that case, we’ll have the won-ton soup…)

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There are more but without attribution:

GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT MAKES HOLE IN ONE

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TWO CONVICTS EVADE NOOSE, JURY HUNG

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SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED

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QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED

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IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?

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DR. RUTH TALKS ABOUT SEX WITH NEWSPAPER EDITORS

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DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON

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NEVER WITHHOLD HERPES FROM YOUR LOVED ONE

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3-YEAR OLD TEACHER NEEDED FOR PRE-SCHOOL – EXPERIENCE PREFERRED

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DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

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OLD SCHOOL PILLARS ARE REPLACED BY ALUMNI

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Did I read that right?