Lexophilia

Who on earth dreams up bad puns (are there any other kind)? Why, a Lexophile of course.

Lexophilia

How does Moses make tea?  Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again?  Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home.  Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typO.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.  It’s syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro – what a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

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20 responses to “Lexophilia

  1. And this post could go on for ever … so here’s one for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkTHtWX7CCY

  2. Reblogged this on Still Skeptical After All These Years and commented:
    The Curmudgeon-at-large views life much like I do, and that includes playing with words. Check out his nifty collection of puns here.

  3. Groaning and laughing simultaneously. What fun!

  4. Very punny indeed! There’s nothing finer than a terrible pun. 🙂

  5. That was a most excellent collection of puns. We laugh at them at our house. Groans are frowned upon.

  6. If I could write puns this funny, I’d spout them everywhere. ‘Herbivore’–hehe. Love the barium one too.

  7. I spilled spot remover on my dog. He’s gone now.

    😉

  8. Oh these are just too too punny, love them! Can I reblog this on my commonplace book blog http://www.jeneanebehme.wordpress.com? My other blog is for quotes, puns, etc., that have I have found over the many years. These are great!

  9. Love it. I’ve been a collector of bad puns for a long time.

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