With a national election upcoming in the United States, I have been wondering how much the average American knows about the rights of U.S. citizenship. Naturalized citizens are required to pass a citizenship test (see link ) but those of us born as American citizens have no such requirement. I think it is time that ALL Americans, if they want to be called Americans, stand up and take a test to prove that they are indeed true-blue one hundred percent U.S. citizens.
Ergo (meaning more pompous than therefore), I offer the Curmudgeon-at-Large True-Blue United States Citizenship Test.
- What are the last words of the national anthem?
- a) Of Thee I Sing
- b) God Save the Queen
- c) And the Home of the Brave
- d) Play Ball
2.What is the first question asked by a defense attorney to his client?
- a) Are you guilty?
- b) Are you innocent?
- c) How much money have you got?
- d) Want some crack?
3. What is the proper drink for the Fourth of July?
- a) Pabst Blue Ribbon
- b) Bourbon
- c) Cosmopolitan
- d) All of the above
4. Where was President Barak Obama born?
- a) Illinois
- b) Hawaii
- c) Kansas
- d) Kenya
5. Where was Donald Trump born?
- a) New York
- b) Florida
- c) In a galaxy far, far away
- d) He wasn’t born; he was hatched.
6. Which person below is NOT true-blue one hundred percent American?
7. What do you do when go into a voting booth?
- a) Vote for the candidates of your choice
- b) Vote for the candidates you were paid to vote for
- c) Look for hidden cameras
- d) Relieve yourself
8. In the event no candidate for President of the United States receives the required number of electoral votes, who chooses the next president?
- a) Congress
- b) World Wrestling Federation
- c) Some unknown guy hidden in Cheyenne Mountain, Wyoming
- d) Highest bidder
9. What are the three branches of government?
- a) Olive, birch and palm
- b) Huey, Dewey and Louie
- c) Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous
- d) It doesn’t matter, they’re all crooks.
10. Match the statement to the president.
|a) I am not a crook.||George H.W. Bush|
|b) I did not have sexual relations with that woman.||Richard Nixon|
|c) Read my lips.||Lyndon Johnson|
|d) Gerald Ford can’t piss and chew gum at the same time.||Bill Clinton|
11. What are the first words a foreign-speaking naturalized citizen should understand when entering the United States?
- a) Welcome to America.
- b) Stay in your lane.
- c) You have the right to remain silent.
- d) Attention, Kmart shoppers!
12. How often does the United States Constitution get changed?
- a) Every four years
- b)Every two years and four months
- c) Whenever an amendment is ratified by three-fourths of the states
- d) When it gets dirty
To get your results, please place your answers, a self-addressed stamped envelope and $500 in cash (preferably small bills) in a sealed envelope and mail it to:
- True-Blue United States Citizenship Test
- 123 Main St.
- East Jesus, TX 88808
You will receive the answers that you deserve.
Your welcome, America!