I am once again thankful to FOAF (friend of a friend). These are too good not to post. They come from the bluebird of bitterness blog and the image from the story reading ape blog to which I give credit.*
A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
A question mark walks into a bar?
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a war. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
*A footnote reference walks into a bar and has no cash. The bartender gives him credit.
Fifty Shades of Grumpy Reviews
I really got excited about turning my idea for Fifty Shades of Grumpy into a novel. It could even become a major motion picture!
I already had the basic formula sketched out. I then turned that sketch into an outline. Finally I set to work on a preliminary draft. Before going any further I thought it best to send the draft to selected reviewers to get input. I got back some of their comments and I see that I need to do a little more work.
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I have never read anything like it and hope I never do again. –New York Times
If you only read one book this year, don’t make it this one. –Washington Post
This is a book for which the words “out of print” will be a blessing. –Chicago Tribune
Spectacular! Sexy and erotic! Brilliant! A sensational read! These are the words I would use to describe some other book but not this one. –Los Angeles Times
The book should be made of toilet paper so that it would at least be useful for something. –Barron’s
Thinking of all the starving children in the world is preferable to reading this nonsense. –The Wall Street Journal
This book sucks! –Rolling Stone
Mixing the book with sewage would improve it. –The New York Review of Books
Yet another indication that America never mastered the English language. –Guardian (UK)
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The critics have spoken, the bastards!
Fifty Shades of Grumpy, NOT coming to a book store near you anytime soon; NOT to be a major motion picture.
Sigh.
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Posted in Rants about Writing
Tagged comments, complaints, critics, fifty shades of grumpy, humor, humour, reviews, writing