Travel Plans

Posted on August 29, 2014 by Curmudgeon-at-Large

Good old FOAF – that’s Friend Of A Friend – has come to my rescue yet again while my brain (what’s left of it) gets rejuvenated:

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I have been in many places but I’ve never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there thanks to my spouse, children, friends, family and work. I would like to go to Conclusions but you have to jump and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go and I try not to visit there too often. I’ve been in Flexible but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable and I go there more often as I’m getting older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense. It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent but I don’t remember what country I was in. It’s an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

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Imponderables – The Final Conflict

Posted on June 20, 2013 by Curmudgeon-at-Large

We’re done here:

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his iPhone?
If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?
If cats and dogs didn’t have fur would we still pet them?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If you can’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running child?

Why do they call it “chili” if it’s hot?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Clones are people two.
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

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Imponderables vs. Alien vs. Predator

Posted on March 7, 2013 by Curmudgeon-at-Large

Yet more imponderables to amuse you (waste your time):

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over?”
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
Daylight saving time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help “groups”?

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Imponderables Strike Back

Posted on December 27, 2012 by Curmudgeon-at-Large

Let me end the year with another round of imponderables:

If a fine is a tax for doing wrong, is a tax a fine for doing well?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
If cats like mice why can’t you buy mouse flavored cat food?
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
If you fail and succeed, which have you done?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Is there another word for synonym?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philips Screwdriver?
Is Atheism a non-prophet organization?
If all is not lost, where is it?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you that a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw fish at them?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?!”
How much faith does it take to be an atheist?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
So what’s the speed of dark?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

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Imponderables

Posted on November 16, 2012 by Curmudgeon-at-Large

To lighten your mind (translation: waste your time) after a seemingly endless election campaign season in the US, ponder on these imponderables:

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
If a person who plays the piano is called a pianist why is a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so that mail carriers can look for them while they deliver the mail?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on “Start?”
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?