Space, the Final Frontier.

Posted on August 31, 2012 by Curmudgeon-at-Large

Novellas of Broken Romance.

Chapter Six

Space, the final frontier.

No one knew that phrase better than Brad Armstrong. As a volunteer for the deep space mission, he recognized that his voyage was “final” in the sense that all he knew had been left behind on Earth many hundreds of years of space travel ago.

It had been 877 Earth days since his arrival on Magna 1B, an Earth-like planet orbiting the star Canopus, and the similarities between Earth and Magna 1B were shocking, to say the least. In all respects, the landscape, vegetation and life forms looked just like Earth, with the exception of Magna 1B’s two moons – Adro and Damon – and the peacefulness and orderliness of its inhabitants. Perhaps it was attributable to the matriarchic structure of its society. Men, in groups, served women with order and compliance. Conceivably that thought would resonate with whatever remained of Earth’s shattered society, if it were possible to communicate such thoughts. It would take several hundred years just to receive the message.

Brad had been fully accepted into Magna’s society. Not only had he been welcomed with open arms but now one of the female leaders had asked him to join her as her mate, a “first mate” in fact. He sat next to the lovely Stea at the dinner feast in his honor. Soon they would consummate their union in her bed chambers. He marveled at her dark, svelte form, her obsidian eyes, her tall and graceful features wrapped tightly in a black gown.

Slowly she led him to her exotic and unusual bedroom, replete with black webbing and intricate concentric patterns radiating from her circular bed. She disrobed and, as Brad stared in awe at her wondrous figure, she lovingly embraced him and led him to her bed. His hands roamed up and down her sinewy shape and, as he caressed her, he noticed the hour-glass shaped mark in the small of her back. As Stea’s half-shrouded eyes and soft moans indicated her rising passion, Brad saw the mark redden and throb.

“What a strange birthmark” Brad said to the undulating Stea. “Yes,” she replied as she enveloped his body with her own, “We all have such a mark after our assimilation with the Arachnids. It was painful but gave us all so much more order.”

“The Arachnids” said Brad with alarm, “aren’t they the alien race that are like spi…”

Brad’s last thought was of a beautiful but strange form whose mouth widened to consume his head. Stea slowly munched on Brad’s brain, regurgitating it several times before consumption. Hmm, she thought, he is the best tasting astronaut that I have dined on in a long, long time.

A Post on Fire Blogroll Contest

Posted on August 29, 2012 by Curmudgeon-at-Large

I interrupt my irregularly scheduled posts to announce that, for reasons I cannot quite explain, I decided to participate in a blogroll contest on A Clown on Fire. Le Clown – or Magnificent Le Clown as he calls himself – created a very clever self-marketing campaign by asking readers to vie for inclusion in his blogroll. One of the conditions was to write about Le Clown and to refer back to his blog.

Now, normally, I would not have given a rat’s patootie about such a contest and gone back to sleep but the sheer audacity – and brilliance – of this move of self-aggrandizement intrigued me. Moreover, he’s on to something because he’s getting more views than ever as a result of his contest.

Hence, today’s post.

A Clown on Fire is off-the-wall funny, irreverent, clever, competitive, hyper-kinetic and worth the time to browse through. He may also be loyal, brave, trustworthy and all those other boy scout virtues but he’s Canadian so he has to be whatever the Canadian equivalent is – a Royal Mounted Canadian Police kid or a Moose-boy or something like that. He is also very open about his and his family’s issues – more so than I can ever be – but he does all of this under the guise of his alter ego – Le Clown.

Now I don’t have time and the skill to come up with a video or an animated flaming clown – Le Clown will provide that stuff anyway – but here is my request:

Visit the post on A Clown of Fire’s blogroll contest, scroll down to my entry (or just clik here) and vote for me by replying to my entry with the word “LIKE.”

With luck, I’ll stay awake long enough to see how the contest ends.

Cast a Cold Eye

Posted on August 28, 2012 by Curmudgeon-at-Large

In responding to a post by Invisible Mikey, I quoted the epitaph of Irish poet William Butler Yeats (1865 to 1939). Yeats is buried in Drumcliff churchyard, Sligo, Ireland and the inscription is engraved on his simple tombstone. It is taken from the last lines of his poem Under Ben Bulben.

Under bare Ben Bulben’s head
In Drumcliff churchyard Yeats is laid.
An ancestor was rector there
Long years ago, a church stands near,
By the road an ancient cross.
No marble, no conventional phrase;
On limestone quarried near the spot
By his command these words are cut:

Cast a cold eye
On life, on death.
Horseman, pass by!

[Tombstone of W. B. Yeats]

I’ve read numerous explanations of the interpretive meaning of these words – you can read more, for example, at http://ireland.wlu.edu/landscape/Group4/analysis6.htm – but what interests me is the literal derivation. The only explanation that I remember – and it may be apocryphal – of this brief ending to Yeats’ poem came from William F. Buckley. I am now paraphrasing from faulty memory.

In the Middle Ages in Europe, at the entry to fortifications, everyone who was not among the landed class was stopped and questioned by the gatekeeper. It was also the time of the bubonic plague that claimed lives of all ages suddenly and indifferently. The gatekeeper, who determined whether or not a person gained entry, was suspicious of anyone who did not belong or who was ill.

Hence “Cast a cold eye/On life, on death.”

Anyone on horseback was considered a member of the gentry – knights, priests and noblemen – and did not need to be questioned. They were allowed to pass without stopping.

Thus “Horseman, pass by!”

The interpretive meanings I leave to others.

[Drumcliff churchyard courtesy of 2c..’sphotostream https://www.flickr.com/photos/2cme/ ]

Ocean View Restaurant

Posted on August 23, 2012 by Curmudgeon-at-Large

[Credit for this story goes to allergysafecuisine.]

Lunch with the Girls

A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen, next door to the Ocean View Restaurant, because they had only six dollars among them and Brad Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.

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10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover charge and there were lots of cute guys.

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10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be too many whiny little kids.

———

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10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because the martinis were big, and the waiters wore tight pants and had nice buns.

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10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of hot flashes) and they served fish which is good for your cholesterol.

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10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because the lighting was good and the restaurant had senior citizens’ discounts.

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10 years later, the group of 75-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the food was not too spicy, and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.

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10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because they had never been there before.

Blog Tag

Posted on August 18, 2012 by Curmudgeon-at-Large

I have been blog-tagged by Book Club Babe. What, you may ask, is blog-tag? Here’s how it works:

The Rules

I must post the rules.
I must answer the questions the tagger listed for me.
I must create (or reuse) 11 questions for those I tag.
I must tag 11 people.
I must let them know they’ve been tagged.

Being a polite curmudgeon, I’ll play along by posting the rules and answering the questions.

Being a curmudgeon nonetheless, I will modify rules 3, 4 and 5 as follows.

Since the people who are on my blogroll or who follow, read or reply to my posts are all sparkling, creative, over-achievers who out-shine me with their repartee, it would be senseless for me even to attempt to come up with new questions. [I am so full of shit.] Instead, I will let you respond to any of the questions asked or create and respond to your own questions. Share your questions and answers in the comments section.

Questions posed by Book Club Babe:

1. You have been put in charge of creating a new national holiday. What’s it called, and how do we celebrate?

National Wear-Your-Underwear-on-the-Outside Day.
Celebration is self explanatory. Those who do not wear underwear must wear only underwear on that day

2. You have been given an unlimited budget to make or remake a book’s film adaptation. Which book do you choose, and who would you cast?

Although technically it was never a book, I’ll choose It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World because I feel it was never as funny as advertized.
So I would remake it with either 1) the current group of crazy comedians – Ben Stiller, Sasha Baron Cohen, Jim Carrey, Larry the Cable Guy, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, the cast of Jackass, etc. or 2) a group of actors who have never done (or should do) comedy –Ryan Gosling, Javier Bardem, Jennifer Lawrence, etc.

3. Robots have now become our personal servants, but here’s the catch. You only get one robot, and it can only do one chore. What will it be?

I would have the robot exercise for me so that I could lose and maintain weight without effort.

4. It’s stay-in-and-do-nothing-night. What’s your reality show guilty pleasure?

I’m now addicted to Pawn Stars. (I might have picked Hillbilly Handfishing but it sounds unsavory.)

5. You have been given a “Death Note” (look it up) where you can write any person’s name in it and that person will die. You can even describe their death in graphic detail. But you only can write down one name…who will it be?

No answer because I cannot restrict myself to one person. I have a lifetime of enemies.

6. Which Disney animal sidekick would you want as a friend?

I’m old school – Pluto, the dog.

7. You’re now in charge of a celebrity’s Twitter account. Who do you want to Tweet for, and what would your first Tweet be?

The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.
First tweet: ∑€µ∞£≥¥α€

8. If you were a fragrance, what would you smell like?

Either Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme or
Bordeaux wine cellar.

9. If you could eat any one food and not gain weight or overall health issues, what would you eat?

Ben & Jerry’s Pistachio-Pistachio.

10. What’s the one phrase or cliché that drives you the craziest?

“Smile!”
Look at my gravatar. Do I look like someone who wants to smile at you?

11. You’ve hit the jackpot and won a romantic evening with the sexy celebrity of your choosing, but he/she hates your favorite book. Like burned it because they just could not stand the sight of it. Proceed canoodling anyway?